BabyT Coming Early

6 weeks and the wee one will be here - they are going to induce me so that it's all controlled and not a middle of the night thing.

She won't be with me at first :-(

She will be admitted to the neo-natal unit. Then, if she's OK she will be put with me in 'transitional care'.

I should expect to be in hospital 2-4 days - especially if I need a c-section.

If she's not OK, she will stay in neo-natal care and I will either come home or stay (but I have my other 2 to look after so I will have to come home and see about taking in milk supplies!).

Had my 2nd MRI scan on Monday and that still shows that all is fine brain-wise, apart from the ventriculomegaly...but the largest measurement was 15mm and this was what my Consultant got today as well (last time it was 16mm).

At the moment it's 'Isolated VM' but 25% will be born and find other associated problems, which worsens the outlook (and some don't survive at all!!). Still can't get over how such a small thing as a few millimetres can have so much impact.

Apparently they refer to it as VM ante-natally but when the baby is born it 'will' be termed hydrocephaly.

Was a little gloomy, but I'm excited that it's happening sooner than I expected.

Plus, on the ultrasound scan pics you can see her blowing bubbles :-)

Money Trouble - What's a WAHM to do?

OK let's not panic. Today is turning into one of 'those' days.

Expenses Up, Income Down

1. My Google Adsense income is going to drop by 50% again, in August. Next to Adsense for Content, this is my biggest source of income - I refer Picasa to my Card Making visitors because it's a very handy piece of software...a few months ago they cut the commission by half, so I had a 50% drop then. Now, they are retiring the programme completely - so what's left of my income from Picasa will vanish.

2. Discovered one of my affiliate links has not been tracking properly for the last 6 months. Not a great earner, but it all adds up and I'm gutted that I've been wasting time promoting it.

3. A refund on an unused SBI site is unlikely to come to me, because it's in control of someone who I can't get in touch with anymore, so need to try and sell on my subscription (it's only got about 4 months left on it, but the money would sure be handy!).

Everyone is feeling the pinch these days with fuel prices rising etc., so I'm lucky I work online and haven't lost my job entirely or can't afford the petrol to get to work!

...but, I do have another baby on the way and my income is going the wrong way!

So, what IS a Wahm to do?...

No point stressing over something I can't control, this is always a risk when a large section of your income comes from one source. So, I need to do something I 'can' control - I'm just going to have to work at replacing that income with something else, but what?

• I could try improve my traffic, more link exchanges, more online activity in forums etc
  

• Expand into new markets, like doing free Cross Stitch card patterns, as I had intended a while back

• Find a new affiliate product to promote instead of Picasa (but, I 'do' think Picasa is great, and I wasn't just recommending it for the money...but it helped!)

• Try implement my own new 'product' idea on how I can sell my stuff online, but I didn't want to have customer responsibilities when Baby T first arrives in case I can't live up to them.
  
  
• Bring my other sites up to scratch, to get traffic and earnings the same as with Card Making World.
  
  
• Work on improving my eBay affiliate and Amazon stores - they're doing quite well, so a bit more work might improve things nicely.
  

• ALL of the above!

Being a WAHM will be tested when Baby T arrives - I know I won't be working as much, which is also adding to the stress because I'm trying to plan ahead. I need to get newsletters and freebies created in advance so that my income doesn't suffer - and get 18 months worth of stuff done before she arrives...in 3 months' time!

Domestic-Goddess-in-Training-Wise

House still needs sorting and tidying. It's still half painted and with DIY stuff cluttering place up thanks to Errant Father walking out without warning. Doing what I can bit by bit, and as much as I can while pregnant and not being able to lift or move easily...doing daily household stuff is hard enough...bringing me onto my next downer-inducing event...

My pelvis is finally starting to play up, but I'm lucky I got this far since previous pregnancies have seen it arrive by 3 months! It's called Symphysis Pubis Dysfunction (SPD) and means mobility is restricted - even going upstairs to the loo has to be done on all fours!

"The pain is worse when you walk or move and climbing stairs is especially painful. Getting in and out of the car or turning in bed is also painful" (Babyworld.co.uk - see SPD link above)

So, childminder is taking kids to school on a morning and I'm not 'getting out', grrrr. Another 3 months of this...nooooo.

...and I'm sick of having a stuffed up hayfever nose and sneezing and peeing at the same time!

Ho hum, the life of a web mum...

(As I'm writing this I see a message "Could not contact Blogger.com. Saving and publishing may fail" .....aaargh)

(Not so) Happy Families

"Now... When it comes to you, and us, I have a few unanswered questions. So, before this tale of bloody revenge reaches its climax, I'm going to ask you some questions, and I want you to tell me the truth. However, therein lies a dilemma. Because, when it comes to the subject of me, I believe you are truly and utterly incapable of telling the truth, especially to me, and least of all, to yourself. And, when it comes to the subject of me, I am truly and utterly incapable of believing anything you say..." (Bill, to The Bride, Kill Bill Vol 2)

Why do families cause so much trouble?

I hope my kids aren't like that when they grow up - keeping secrets, covering stuff up, one knows one story another knows another. I hope I will teach them to be honest and open with each other, and bring up any problems before they cause bigger problems.

Relationships tarnished and resentment building up when no-one knows who is telling the truth about an issue. Jealousy over things done for kids, money being spent or given to one and not the other...nope, not for me or mine, fingers crossed.

There's enough problems in life without the people who should be closest to you causing you stress and unhappiness. What do they say about choosing friends but not family...

Think I was born with rose-tinted goggles on.

More generally, gossip and making judgements without knowing the facts are dangerous. Often it's wrong and causes a lot of harm. Even worse, if people aren't truthful with you to start with, you don't get the real facts and end up basing your opinions or judgements on the wrong facts, and the consequences may be unpleasant...but then if they'd have been straight with you in the first place it wouldn't have happened at all.


Baby-Wise

I desperately wanted Tara to have 'some' family, even if no dad, but it seems that's not going to be the case after all. All things considered though, maybe that's not so bad.

I was thrilled when Errant Father's mum got in touch to meet up and sort things out, but somehow it's all gone badly wrong due to crappy mis-communication with mobile phones and gossip...but...maybe it's a blessing in disguise.

Luckily in this day and age, you have lots of 'proof' as to what happened - so when Tara is old enough, and if she wants to, she can know exactly what was said and what happened. No relying on biased memories, just read the emails etc.

I don't want her to feel rejected by her dad at all, and I hope I can handle her questions until she is old enough to understand that adults don't always handle life in the most appropriate way. However, unlike mothers in years gone by, who had 'their story' pitched against that of the father when he turns up ... I won't have to fight my corner, it will all be there for her in black and white, both sides, all conversations. Then she can make her own judgement.

Baby T's Brain Looking Fine...

Face! Eyes!

Went to Sheffield this afternoon for the fetal MRI scan to look at Tara's brain in detail. Although the ventricles are still 11mm, there are no other problems showing up. Another test passed.

I'm glad I went in feet first, I really wouldn't fancy going in the normal way! As it was I went most of the way in with just the top of my head poking out, and it was a little frightening because your face is so close to the top, but I closed my eyes tight and made it as dark as possible so I didn't know if the bed was moving in or out. Rather noisy it was too - even with earplugs (which I saved for post-natal use LOL).

Tara didn't like the noise - she was making her presence known A LOT. At the end the Dr showed me what she was doing - both legs and arms outstretched, punching and kicking my stomach like a little fighting ninja...bless.

I can't wait to see what she looks like, dark hair and greenish eyes I imagine...her dad had blue and I have hazel so... Maybe she will inherit his Irish good looks and be a real beauty :-) She even looks cute on the ultrasound pictures! Pity he isn't around.

...Oh my God. Just as I'm writing this I got a text message off him! First I've heard from him in months. He says I should leave his family alone ... but they got in touch with me :-(

Can't write no more...

Work at Home Online Gadgets

Been a bit subdued today, so work-wise I was mainly 'playing' aka 'researching' ...trying out new things and gathering bits and pieces 'for later'. My main 'finds' of the day were a couple of Firefox add-ons and the new AVG Free download...


Quickly resize/edit screen shots or images

My Baby on a Budget eBay Affiliate Store

picnik is a web-based image editor with some nifty features for resizing or quick editing on the fly - great if you are a blogger!

I tried it out with a screen shot from my latest 'eBay affiliate store' (built using the super-brilliant Build a Niche Store software!).

Normally, I'd have to take a screen shot, save to the PC, edit in Paint Shop Pro (which takes an age to open up in my Vista), crop it, jpg optimise it, save it and then re-upload it.

With Picnik I used the right click menu to send the page over to Picnik, cropped, resized and added the nifty 'drop shadow' effect.

I tried a few ways to get it into Blogger - you can send it to Picasa WebAlbums, or email it direct to Blogger, but I found the best way for the way I work was to save to my computer and upload (I had more control over size that way).

Easily Copy Link Plus Text in HTML Format


CoLT has come in quite handy tonight. At first I didn't realise the usefulness of what this add-on did, and didn't bother installing it...but while writing this post I realised exactly what it was for and went back to look for it! Again it's a nifty timesaver ... for those times when you want to insert a link - instead of right mousing and copying link location, then either copying or typing out your text...this add-on will copy BOTH link and text, in HTML format, ready to paste into your document.

Free Web Page Safety Check & Anti-Virus

The latest version of AVG Free is not only great virus software, it also shows you if web pages are safe to visit from within your search results.

You might think that this is only relevant if you're searching for the unsavoury...but I got a surprise when I did a search on 'ventriculomegaly' (baby's brain problem).

A perfectly plausible page could have given me a Trojan, and I would have probably gone to it without the warning!

Baby-wise

Fetal MRI scan on Tara's brain tomorrow...

WAHM Rolls

To say I've done nothing on the Toolkit the past few months, I now seem to be on a roll. Last night I decided to change the keywords on my 'Work at Home Jobs' page, and ended up virtually re-writing the whole thing!

This is one of my most popular pages but which is still ranking outside the top 30 in Google. But no wonder...it was embarrassing seeing the keywords I'd chosen! This time I was being guided by the Monetize It! tool from SBI - choosing new keywords with the best 'keyworth', as they call it. Hopefully changing these will affect my ranking ... but then if my ranking does change, it could be due to better content now after the re-edit. I'm much happier with it now, although I think it might need splitting in two or making much shorter and linking out to sub-pages.

I also added Google Adsense as per the recommendation from Monetize It! - I had previously removed Adsense because I didn't like the type of ads that were showing up (they seem exactly the kind I tell people to avoid ... "make $1000 in an hour" kind of thing). However, perhaps the ad targeting will improve with the new content. We shall see.

Baby-wise

I got a cancellation for an MRI appointment on Monday - excellent! You even get a parking permit too, amazing! Thankfully, you go in 'feet first' for a fetal MRI...phew :-)

Domestic Goddess-wise

Tomato ketchup really does clean brass! As per 'The Cleaning Bible' from "Kim and Aggie" I tackled the fire surround which I have never seen an actual brass colour since I moved in (shame on me!). Now it's brassy and shines! I'm also going to order in a boat load of bicarbonate of soda, borax, white vinegar and soap flakes from Dri Pak.

Another item I've been meaning to order for a long time is bread improver - I make wholemeal bread in my machine but never used improver...can't find it in the shops but finally ordered some yesterday from Freebake - it arrived this morning! Will use it tonight and see how different the bread turns out.

WAHM-wise

My childminder was poorly today so I had to re-arrange my plans. "Luckily I'm a WAHM" so it was no big deal. I thought it would be a good time to arrange my first ever birthday party - how bad is that? My kids haven't had a 'real' party yet! Never been up to it, just the idea would stress me out no end so we normally just had a little 'do'. BUT, we have a new 'Wacky Warehouse' nearby and so I took the step to go book a party in a couple of weeks...it's cheating I know, they do everything for you, but I'm breaking myself in gently :-)

Got another payment from Chitika and looks like my Amazon aStores are doing well for me again this month - think I need to check them out more.

Baby Tara - Amnio was NORMAL

I can't believe it, I am thrilled!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I had prepared myself for the worst (and the hospital had assured me over what can be done in terms of funerals and taking photos, hand prints etc) so when I got the call about an hour ago and heard 'normal' I was stunned, then cried.

She does not have Downs Syndrome, but we still need to check her brain with a fetal MRI scan so still a way to go yet but I'm SOOOOO happy about today's news.

Another girl too!!

Back in play :-)


P.S. Regarding 'work' ... wasn't up to doing much, just fettling around online submitting links and a few minor changes to web pages... but it ALL counts - doesn't feel like much, you don't have the energy or motivation to DO anything serious but it ALL counts. Hurrah for being a work at home mum :-)

Baby "Tara" - Not Looking Good :-(

Scan confirmed the ventriculomegaly (enlarged lateral ventricles in the brain) to be 11mm both sides. Not only that, the Dr found another soft marker for Downs Syndrome in the kidneys and possibly shortened 5th fingers, although he isn't sure on that one.

All in all, my risk now is about 1:10 - 1:20 of my baby having Downs Syndrome - which he tells me can be moderate to severe in it's affects on physical and mental development, and there's no way of knowing until the baby is here.

I don't understand though, why all the other 'big' indicators are perfectly fine - like the nuchal measurements, the heart, the femur...only one 'hard marker' being the ventriculomegaly, and then these soft markers (which he said he wouldn't have mentioned if it weren't for the current risk indicator from the Triple Test and ultrasound scan).

So, had the amniocentesis done - was scared it would really hurt but it didn't; it hurt more giving the blood for the TORCH test (seeing if the ventriculomegaly was caused by some infection during early pregnancy).

Results should be back by tomorrow or day after - but I'm not hopeful. If by some miracle they are negative for Downs Syndrome, then I will have a fetal MRI scan to see if there are any other brain abormalities. If not, then prognosis is better.

:-(

Found out my baby is a girl - total surprise as I was convinced it was a boy - I was thrilled to bits for a few moments in the middle of all this heartache. Her name is Tara, representing Buddhist virtues. Errant Father would call me a right crank for that.

P.S. On a 'working from home' note, I picked up the laptop to watch a video and take my mind off things for a bit, ended up taking notes, and the end result is a new page on Product Sourcing for eBay home businesses ... just goes to show how being a WAHM can work in the smallest and weirdest situations - just when you can, and use what you can.

Brain Abnormality in Junior...

Being 36 I knew I might face 'high risk' problems, so when the results of my Triple Test came back as a 1:75 chance of Downs Syndrome I got upset and worried but also tried to take it in my stride (I'd been told that because of my age risk factor, my blood only had to be 'slightly out' for the risk to go even higher).

I was going to wait for my 20 week scan this week and see if that showed up any soft markers, and then worry about it.... if no markers, no amniocentesis.

It took 3 attempts at doing the scan because Junior was all scrunched up and not moving for anybody. However, they did find a marker - a dilated ventricle that should be no more than 10mm but this measured 11mm. Only slightly out, but combined with the Triple Test results, means my risk is even worse so I've been booked in for a more detailed scan next week and a possible amniocentesis :-(

Apparently this is called 'Mild Ventriculomegaly' and is a soft marker for Downs Syndrome, or can be caused by an infection. On it's own, it can cause developmental problems or be OK.

Now, this could be an error since the scan was "technically difficult" according to the report, and everything else was "normal" ... or it could be even more evidence of Downs/genetic problem, or it could be a stand-alone thing.

I'm hoping it's an error.

Google Docs & Baby Stuff

My intention for today was cleaning and tidying up - an hour per room...

But I made a coffee, checked my email and for some reason had an urge to write about 'SBI Reviews' - this meant I went into my keyword list and got lost for some time. I ended up going to Google Docs to work on my Blueprint for the site, and in the process of logging on thought, what a pity you can only access all this online (having had a few bloopers from AOL when my connection has been down lately grrrr).

To my surprise, there was a new link ... about offline access! Just what I needed. I also found a nifty little video all about it on YouTube - so, I took the opportunity to 'blog' about it on my site RSS feed - first time I've done anything to this site in what, 6 months?

Baby wise...

I have my 20 week scan tomorrow - and my Triple Test results came back as 1:75 risk of Downs Syndrome so I'm a little nervous to see if everything shows up OK or if we have a problem in there. Taking the kids with me anyway, they are excited to see their new baby.

After the scan, I'm meeting up with Errant Father's mum and sister for the first time...I didn't think the poor kid was going to have any family so I'm thrilled at this, although a little nervous as it could potentially be upsetting hearing about him, or where he is/why he disappeared, when I'm just getting myself back on track.

Suppose I better go do that cleaning now ...

Ultimate Test of Being a Web Wahm!

I haven't worked on this site for 6 months, I haven't been up to it.

The short version is I am expecting another baby, but sadly the father is not around any more.

It has been an horrendously difficult few months, and I've just had one of the worst periods of depression ever, but luckily my sites kept working in the background and I still got my monthly payments from Google.

I've had the luxury of being able to take the time I needed to get myself together, and only now I'm starting to feel like getting back to being productive work-wise.

Yay for working at home online!!

To Twitter or Not to Twitter?

After my marathon session yesterday while the girls were away, I woke up today worrying about the Twitter widget I put on here...should I do it or not, do I really want people knowing my personal stuff when I'm trying to build credibility as a Web-Wahm?

What is my aim?

To show I'm real, just like you guys.

I'm facing the same daily hassles with work, life and the kids that you do, but this is how it affects someone who works from home - and many times, it's less hassle because I'm here and not having to work within the constraints of a job at set times.

What about branding, credibility?

If I'm sharing my daily ups and downs, does this affect my 'branding' as someone who is capable of helping you guys out and someone worthy of you listening to? Should I stop the Twittering and just portray a more distant, serious business face to get more credibility?

...there's an internet guy/guru/celebrity called Ed Dale who Twitters about everything! But, this shows him as a real, down to earth person...but he also has the respect of many, many people because it's clear he knows what he's talking about when it comes to internet marketing.

He is willing to be open about himself and show a personal side. Therefore, you trust him, and you like him.

There are other guys who do this, a little, within the confines of their private forums, and some who portray the suited big-business approach which I don't go for at all.

I like Ed Dale, don't always like his ideas, but I like HIM...and that is mostly because of how laid back and open he is. He is normal. He is a successful online business man, but he has done it by being 'him' and being normal.

Isn't that what I'm wanting to show?

Hmmm...

Narrow it is ...

Well, I am going to take the plunge.

I have read 5 articles this morning that really gave me the jitters - the whole area of working at home is going to be huge in time, and even though my site was meant to narrow the options down to just internet-based work at home jobs...I really think it is still too broad.

I need to look at me, who am *I*, what can I advise on and share my experience of?

... I am a single, internet-based, work at home mum in the UK hoping to help others *like me* to develop webmastering skills to take advantage of the growing local search arena...

...so that is what I need to do!

There are too many articles and too much stuff I want to add to the site, so I need to tighten it up way more than it is. The other problem is that many of the 'jobs' overlap - so you can be a freelance writer, promoting yourself via your own website etc, hard to compartmentalise it like I was trying to.

Anyway, I felt one of the benefits of WAHM life this morning - my daughter had to have some injections...no having to ask for time off or send someone else with her, just go and start work when she's dropped off back at school.

I think this is one of the best things about wahm life ... just being there. I hear lots of adults saying how their mums were out at work when they got in from school and how it would have been nice just to have their mum there when they came home. But, that was/is how things had to be if a mother was to work, hopefully things look like they are changing.

The whole 'work at home' thing gives me a buzz, it has implications for us as individuals, a society and an economy - that is what I want my site to deal with as well.

So, let the fun begin :-)

Problems with Focus

I have been using blogging to create mini articles, but right now I've decided to use it as blogs originally started...as an online diary.

This way, anyone who is interested can chart my progress, and my ups and downs. A real-time, real-life case study!

Anyway, I came to this decision because in my head I am 'moaning to myself' about how I'm finding it hard to focus.

I figured lots of others might benefit from seeing a warts and all approach so what better way to add content to my site AND help other WAHMs than bare all here.

I get so frustated with myself because I have so many great ideas for my sites, but I'm finding it hard to even get the structure how I want it.

When you brainstorm in Site Build It! you are supposed to come out with a 'Site Blueprint' ... making life easy. This site has been online in a really bare state for a few months, and I'm not getting anywhere with organising it all in my head.

Part of the problem is my site concept; it has changed. The site started out to be about the different types of jobs you can now do online, but I'm feeling like I should tighten this up a bit. I want to help other mums, but I'm nervous to take that step of tightening it up, in case it's too narrow. And, should I do just UK mums, or single mums etc?

Until I sort this out I can't get the rest of my blueprint together and it's niggling me. I need to decide once and for all if I am going to describe the entire toolkit for ALL online jobs (maybe too big now it seems) or concentrate on what I KNOW about, which is developing content websites, being single and with two kids. Tight. I 'could't talk all about eBay and such, but that's not what I want to advise mums on ... so why can't I just DO IT?????

I want a site where mums can come and find out practical ways of making money online - as well as see how to combine working at home with being a mother, and the hundred other things we have to accomplish during a day...tomorrow I will FOCUS and start putting the Toolkit site together properly :-)

Stressin :(

Ok, I've been working on Site Build It! now full-time for almost a week. I've been loving it but...

...today I'm feeling overwhelmed and disorganised - the very things the Action Guide tells you not to! So, I'm taking a bit of time out to write up this blog, listen to some cheery music and try chill a bit.

Why am I feeling overwhelmed? I think because I have got myself too excited by building the site up, the design, lots and lots of content ideas etc that I have strayed from the Action Guide Bible and ended up losing my way.

Also, my kids are due back soon - I know I haven't got a 'clean run' of time to give over to working. Same goes for the weekend; I have them for the next 2 weekends so no working :( Therefore, I feel 'time stressed'...I will have to get stuff 'done' so that I make best use of my time. But remember 'The Way of the Tortoise'!!! LOL

I have also had an 'emotional' setback (again) AND saw a competitor's site last night that really panicked me! Made me wonder why I'm bothering, her site was great, lots of ideas, good Alexa ranking - and she has obviously used Site Build It! too.

However, I tried to turn it around and use the 'always try see a positive' thing! Her site made me realise that my 'spin' on my site was not right - she is more into design, I am into best offers, supplies, discounts, downloads etc.

At first sight we seemed to be in competition, but actually, we may compliment each other very well and I may approach her for a link.

In addition, and another reason I've got myself all over the place today, is I realised that 'my' knowledge and so-called 'expertise' lies in the business side of the craft - I hadn't thought of this, but I can offer my own unique 'been there and done it' perspective, help others avoid my mistakes. This gave me an idea for my own product later down the line...my own eBook ;)

Ideas pouring out of me so fast I can't keep up!

My whole focus for this new venture is my girls...

I need to get back on my feet and bring in an income AND be at home to do the motherly stuff, in order to keep our lives on track. I'm just starting to get there with the house being organised (all socks in neat lines in drawers etc LOL) but I am getting panicky that this may NOT bring me financial winnings...

"the way of the tortoise"... take my time, persistence and patience is key, do not rush.

Laters x